Wounds Becoming Battle Scars

Have you ever had something very painful emotionally or physically happen to you? This event can leave a wound on your body or in your heart, causing tears and sorrow. In a physical wound in will eventually heal and the pain will diminish and then go away but a lot of times a scar is left that will remind you of that event. I have a few, like most people I’m sure. I have a inch long scar on the back of my thigh that I got when I was about 8 years old. I had received a Sting Ray bicycle for my birthday that year and the big thing to do in my neighborhood was to pop wheelies. I wasn’t very good at it so I was practicing all by myself. I got the front wheel up in the air and then I let the seat pass between my legs but I misjudged the sharpness of the curled up fender on the back wheel and sliced the back of my thigh. I saw the blood first and then I felt the pain. I went crying into my house and my mom got me in the tub, washed it clean and put a tight bandage on it. I will never forget that event because I have the scar. The pain is gone but the scar is there always. We have emotional wounds inflicted on us and they cause a lot of pain but these can hurt much longer than a physical wound. The healing to these wounds many times escape us. They remain a hidden sore spot that causes anger, crying, or pain when an event in our lives reminds us of what happened to us earlier. We can’t seem to get past it. I have had 3 deep emotional pains like this in my life. The death of my mother, the breaking up of several serious dating relationships when I was younger which led to being single for a long time. Mother’s Day was hard and holidays, the announcement of someones upcoming marriage and attending weddings were hard too. It usually would bring a deep pain in my heart of feeling lost and missing my mom’s love or a sharp pain of rejection. I knew that the Lord loved me and that usually was my only true solace. God was so good to me and gave many things to be thankful for. The greatest pain came after those first 2 pains were healed by the meeting of my husband and our wedding. We had been married for 2 years and I found out that I was pregnant. We were so excited. We both had wanted a child very much and had waited many years for this event. We both were walking close to the Lord. We were serving him and putting him first in our lives. Our friends and family were all so excited and happy for us. Then on my second doctor’s appointment I found out that the little baby’s heart beat was not there. I was almost 8 weeks pregnant. I remember sitting in the doctor’s office waiting for the final results and it was not good. I left the office numb. I cried all the way home and laid down next to my husband on the bed and sobbed uncontrollably. I had a thread of hope for a few days after that but on Christmas Day I miscarried and had to go in for a D and C a couple of days later. I felt so sad and empty and alone. I was 44 years old and Satan the enemy of my soul was starting to have a hay day with me. He accused me of being too old and that no one would sympathize with my loss because it wasn’t meant to be anyway. People in their 40’s were not meant to have kids. I knew it was lie, but it was so hard to deal with. I cried many hours by myself not wanting any one to know my pain. I began to ask God why? I had done all that he had asked. I had waited for my husband, we had dated in complete purity, our first kiss was on our wedding day. We had gotten out of debt and were living a simple life in a small apartment and just loving and enjoying each other. Why had he let this happen? I wished that I had never gotten pregnant. But after several months of horrible pain, I just told the Lord, “I will serve you no matter what.” I could tell that most people thought that losing that child was the end for having kids because of our age. But my sweet husband just kept trusting God and said that the Lord could do anything. I refused to keep hoping in my conscious mind, is was just too painful. We moved to Oregon, Rich got a really good job and we were able to rent a really nice home. I got pregnant right when we moved in to the house but I didn’t know it. We moved all our stuff, I worked out in the yard getting it ready for planting some flowers that summer. I felt a little tired and had a few other symptoms of pregnancy but ignored them, I felt like I just couldn’t hope any more. Then a dear friend came to visit and she had not seen me for a year. She knew I was pregnant before I did. After she left I bought a home pregnancy test just to please her and I was in complete shock when it showed positive. All my symptoms over that last few months came together and I realized I was at least 3 months pregnant maybe more. I told Rich and he was thrilled! Fear entered my heart, Satan was attacking me again, but I just began to rejoice in my heart. With fear and trembling I carried our baby girl full term and gave birth to her when I was 46 years old. Now she is 3 1/2 years old and my heart is so happy we have her. Yes, I get asked quite often if I am her grandmother, but you know what I don’t care. She is God’s gift to us and my life is so blessed. That wound of losing our first baby is healed. I still think about that little one and I feel I will see that child some day in heaven. But the tears of sorrow are gone and all that is left is hope. I have no regrets God has healed my pain. The Lord has said in Isaiah 61:2 -3 that He has come to comfort all who mourn, to grant those who mourn in Zion , giving them a garland instead of ashes, The oil of gladness instead of mourning, the mantle of praise instead of a spirit of fainting. What ever wounds or pain that you have God can heal them, if you let Him.

Our precious gift from God when she was 5 months old.