I am sitting down to write about something that has been a mystery to me and I thought was lost but God in his great love and mercy has revealed something very dear to my heart. I will start at the beginning. Fifteen years ago I had 2 dreams that I wrote down in my dream journal knowing that they were special but I did not have the full understanding of them until this very month, July 2010.
The first dream I had September 22, 1995 while I was living by myself in a small granny flat in Vista, California. I dreamt that I was asleep in my bed and I heard a noise in my living room. I got up to see what it was. It was a small brown haired boy standing in the middle of the room. His hair was slightly wavy, cut in a medium length almost like a sugar bowl hair cut and he had light colored eyes. I was so surprised to see this little guy in my house and I asked him how he got in. He had a little mischievous look on his face and he smiled and said, “Oh, I just let myself in!” I couldn’t believe that because I always locked the french doors before I went to bed. I went over and pulled the curtains back to check the door and instead of my front door area, there was a street scene. Everything sparkled and gleamed. I thought this must be a spiritual dream and I need to pay attention to every detail. There was an light haired man with a military cut looking in very sadly through the window, then my sister and her daughter walked by and further out was my oldest sister talking to a man and she was a young woman in her early 20s. Finally my sister with her daughter walked by again. I looked back into the living room where the little boy had been but he was gone. That was the end of the dream.
The second dream I had a couple of months later on November 21, 1995. I dreamt I was in the home I grew up in and I was watching my mother walk down the hall very wearily with a walker. She sat on her bed and I realized she was pregnant. I asked her when the baby was due. She said December 30th but it could be sooner and that she was worried because she had not felt the baby move. I comforted her by saying that I had heard that the baby could be really crowded and just didn’t move much. She asked me if I would like to see the baby and before I could reply, her side sparkled and became crystal clear. I saw a baby boy in a little bed. He was not kicking and he was blue. I looked away and when I looked back to take a second look his color had turned to pink and he was sucking his thumb. I reached in and picked him up. He had black hair that stood up like a crest on his head and had thinning temples. I realized he was not my brother, Ben. Ben was a blue baby at birth but gained color very quickly and was born on December 28th shortly before his due date. I loved this little baby very much but I had to put him back and my mother’s side closed over. When I saw her tummy, I realized it was mine and the baby boy I saw was my baby.
I kept these dreams hidden in my heart and believing they were from the Lord telling me about a child I would have. Four years after having these dreams. I was shopping in a Marshall’s store looking for clothes. There was also a housewares section and a small book section. On impulse I started looking through the books and my eye fell on a book called, “The Velveteen Rabbit”. The thing that caught my eye was the picture on the front of a little boy that looked so much like the little boy in my first dream. The artist was Donna Green and her paintings that illustrated this book captured my heart. I bought the book, my only purchase that day, and walked out the door.
Jumping ahead to 2001 I met the man I was going to marry. We had so many fun conversations when we were getting to know each other. One time Rich said that if he ever had a little girl he would love to name her Mary. That was his mother’s first name. Even though I was 41 and he was 46 the thought of having a baby made us both very happy. After our marriage in 2002, we talked more seriously about what we would name a child if God blessed us that way. We decided to name a girl, Mary Ellen, for his mother and my mother and for a boy we would name him Benjamin Daniel, for my dad and his dad.
On November 21, 2004 I took a home pregnancy test and it was positive. My mind went back to my dreams and I realized that I found out I was pregnant exactly 9 years from the date I had the second dream. I was so thrilled and believed that this was the child that we would have and raise. A precious gift from God. I had several doctor’s appointments and my pregnancy was confirmed and due date set by the sonogram I had. I was due July 23, 2005. Tragedy hit when they could not find a heart beat and I lost that little one at Christmas time and had a D&C on December 29th. I was heart broken and could not understand why this happened. But God was good to us and I became pregnant 14 months later and we had a beautiful baby girl, Mary Ellen. After her birth the dreams mystified me as they were about a little boy and I had a girl. So I just thought that the little boy in my dreams just stood for a child in general. I felt that way until this month, the month our first baby would of turned 5 years old. I was going through some books I had saved for Mary. In that bunch of books was the Velveteen Rabbit with those beautiful paintings of the little boy. As I looked at the paintings my heart jumped. He looked a lot like Mary, he looked like he could be her brother. I pulled up some recent pictures of Mary and compared them to the pictures of the little boy. The resemblance was amazing!
God has given me the interpretation of the dreams I had so long ago. The little boy was our child that we lost. He was lost to us, but not to the Lord. In the first dream, he came from the outside, a place of disappointment and sorrow. The people in the street scene were as follows: my oldest sister who has great sadness because she never was pregnant and never had a child, my niece who has had sorrow over 2 miscarriages and has not yet been blessed with a child, the man closest to the french doors was some one who had lost a child also. In the dream the little boy came from out there but God was showing me he was not lost, that he had come into my home and that he is alive in heaven. The second dream had some imagery of sorrow and loss. My mother walking down the hallway with a walker was a picture of her right before she died but we know she is with the Lord. My mother also lost a baby boy when she was 3 months pregnant at Christmas time and they were going to name him Benjamin. My brother was born next, on December 28th. He was born a blue baby and they named him Benjamin. I knew the baby I miscarried was a boy even though I have no medical evidence of it. Benjamin Daniel is with the Lord and we will see him one day. The Lord in his great love has shown us what he looked like as a baby and what he looks like at Five. I look forward to the day I will be able to go to heaven and embrace our precious son.
The first dream I had September 22, 1995 while I was living by myself in a small granny flat in Vista, California. I dreamt that I was asleep in my bed and I heard a noise in my living room. I got up to see what it was. It was a small brown haired boy standing in the middle of the room. His hair was slightly wavy, cut in a medium length almost like a sugar bowl hair cut and he had light colored eyes. I was so surprised to see this little guy in my house and I asked him how he got in. He had a little mischievous look on his face and he smiled and said, “Oh, I just let myself in!” I couldn’t believe that because I always locked the french doors before I went to bed. I went over and pulled the curtains back to check the door and instead of my front door area, there was a street scene. Everything sparkled and gleamed. I thought this must be a spiritual dream and I need to pay attention to every detail. There was an light haired man with a military cut looking in very sadly through the window, then my sister and her daughter walked by and further out was my oldest sister talking to a man and she was a young woman in her early 20s. Finally my sister with her daughter walked by again. I looked back into the living room where the little boy had been but he was gone. That was the end of the dream.
The second dream I had a couple of months later on November 21, 1995. I dreamt I was in the home I grew up in and I was watching my mother walk down the hall very wearily with a walker. She sat on her bed and I realized she was pregnant. I asked her when the baby was due. She said December 30th but it could be sooner and that she was worried because she had not felt the baby move. I comforted her by saying that I had heard that the baby could be really crowded and just didn’t move much. She asked me if I would like to see the baby and before I could reply, her side sparkled and became crystal clear. I saw a baby boy in a little bed. He was not kicking and he was blue. I looked away and when I looked back to take a second look his color had turned to pink and he was sucking his thumb. I reached in and picked him up. He had black hair that stood up like a crest on his head and had thinning temples. I realized he was not my brother, Ben. Ben was a blue baby at birth but gained color very quickly and was born on December 28th shortly before his due date. I loved this little baby very much but I had to put him back and my mother’s side closed over. When I saw her tummy, I realized it was mine and the baby boy I saw was my baby.
I kept these dreams hidden in my heart and believing they were from the Lord telling me about a child I would have. Four years after having these dreams. I was shopping in a Marshall’s store looking for clothes. There was also a housewares section and a small book section. On impulse I started looking through the books and my eye fell on a book called, “The Velveteen Rabbit”. The thing that caught my eye was the picture on the front of a little boy that looked so much like the little boy in my first dream. The artist was Donna Green and her paintings that illustrated this book captured my heart. I bought the book, my only purchase that day, and walked out the door.
Jumping ahead to 2001 I met the man I was going to marry. We had so many fun conversations when we were getting to know each other. One time Rich said that if he ever had a little girl he would love to name her Mary. That was his mother’s first name. Even though I was 41 and he was 46 the thought of having a baby made us both very happy. After our marriage in 2002, we talked more seriously about what we would name a child if God blessed us that way. We decided to name a girl, Mary Ellen, for his mother and my mother and for a boy we would name him Benjamin Daniel, for my dad and his dad.
On November 21, 2004 I took a home pregnancy test and it was positive. My mind went back to my dreams and I realized that I found out I was pregnant exactly 9 years from the date I had the second dream. I was so thrilled and believed that this was the child that we would have and raise. A precious gift from God. I had several doctor’s appointments and my pregnancy was confirmed and due date set by the sonogram I had. I was due July 23, 2005. Tragedy hit when they could not find a heart beat and I lost that little one at Christmas time and had a D&C on December 29th. I was heart broken and could not understand why this happened. But God was good to us and I became pregnant 14 months later and we had a beautiful baby girl, Mary Ellen. After her birth the dreams mystified me as they were about a little boy and I had a girl. So I just thought that the little boy in my dreams just stood for a child in general. I felt that way until this month, the month our first baby would of turned 5 years old. I was going through some books I had saved for Mary. In that bunch of books was the Velveteen Rabbit with those beautiful paintings of the little boy. As I looked at the paintings my heart jumped. He looked a lot like Mary, he looked like he could be her brother. I pulled up some recent pictures of Mary and compared them to the pictures of the little boy. The resemblance was amazing!
God has given me the interpretation of the dreams I had so long ago. The little boy was our child that we lost. He was lost to us, but not to the Lord. In the first dream, he came from the outside, a place of disappointment and sorrow. The people in the street scene were as follows: my oldest sister who has great sadness because she never was pregnant and never had a child, my niece who has had sorrow over 2 miscarriages and has not yet been blessed with a child, the man closest to the french doors was some one who had lost a child also. In the dream the little boy came from out there but God was showing me he was not lost, that he had come into my home and that he is alive in heaven. The second dream had some imagery of sorrow and loss. My mother walking down the hallway with a walker was a picture of her right before she died but we know she is with the Lord. My mother also lost a baby boy when she was 3 months pregnant at Christmas time and they were going to name him Benjamin. My brother was born next, on December 28th. He was born a blue baby and they named him Benjamin. I knew the baby I miscarried was a boy even though I have no medical evidence of it. Benjamin Daniel is with the Lord and we will see him one day. The Lord in his great love has shown us what he looked like as a baby and what he looks like at Five. I look forward to the day I will be able to go to heaven and embrace our precious son.
